8 Ways to Connect to Your Child When Their Bucket is Full

A highly sensitive child (HSC) is quickly overwhelmed by every day environments. Their emotions are often strong and can take them and you by surprise. Once your child’s bucket is full it can be hard to connect to them and help them find calm and balance. However, here are 8 ways to help you connect to your child when they are overcome by their emotions and their bucket is full.

Tip: If you need help identifying what overwhelm looks like in a HSC, then read 6 Signs Your Highly Sensitive Child is Overwhelmed (aka Their Bucket is Full)

1 Acknowledge Feelings

We connect when we acknowledge our child’s feelings and show that we relate to the emotions they are feeling. Make sure they know that their feelings are legitimate, because it is something they are feeling. HSCs don’t like change and adapting and compromise is hard when you are a child. Sources of overwhelm are hiding in every corner, ready to sneak up on a HSC and it is not uncommon for a HSC to quickly lose control of their emotions. Help them find their balance. If they feel that you understand they will be quicker to calm and be in a state to talk.

2 Put Feelings into Words

Talking with your child when they are overwhelmed can help them put their feelings into words. For young children, a set of emotion cards is a good idea to help them connect how they are feeling to an emotion. HSCs often lose sight of logic as emotions take over and so being able to put how they feel into words will help them understand their chain of thought. Often, you will need to wait for the raw emotion to subside before you can begin talking about what they are feeling. Giving your child the space to talk about how they are are feeling, and helping them understand what they feel with help form a connection.

3 Offer a Hug

Touch is a powerful tool to connect to your child. It is a way of letting them know you are there for them and provides your child with the comfort they need to calm. Offering a simple hug, holding your child whilst they work through their emotions can often make a huge difference.

4 Go With Their Emotional Response

Don’t fight their natural emotional response to a situation, as long as they are not hurting themselves or anyone else, or damaging property. Go with it and let it follow its course. Teaching your child that no emotion is wrong and that expressing emotion is healthy will benefit your child greatly in the future. With time you can help your child with how they express emotion, so that it is in a safe and appropriate manner.

5 Don’t Punish Emotions

Never punish a child for expressing their emotions. A gentle correction for any behaviour linked to their emotion may be appropriate once a child is calm but dishing out consequences for expressing upset or anger will lead to a child learning to suppress their emotions. Talking with a child once they are calm and rational about how they feel, and how they could have expressed their emotions differently, is always a preferable route.

6 Change Physical State

Changing a child’s physical state can change a child’s emotional state. If a child is losing control of their emotions, or feels sad but isn’t quite sure why, ask they if they would like to go for a walk or kick or throw a ball around with you, for example. The simple act of changing your physical state can change your mood quickly and effectively. And on the note of physical movement, if you want to talk to your child (particularly as they get older and into their teens), go for a walk with them or do a sport together instead of sitting at the kitchen table with them. The movement will make a conversation easier and will put your child more at ease and they will feel more motivated to talk to you.

7 Journal Feelings

Sometimes a child finds it easier to write about how they are feeling, especially when they have the time to sit and think about the why and what. Journaling allows them to tell their story, provides a memory aid (this has happened before, how did I react or solve it last time?) and helps them understand themselves. There are some great Mother/Father Son/Daughter journals out there that you can pass back and forth that can help you connect with your child.

8. Discover your Child’s Bucket Emptiers

Help your child discover what relaxes them, what triggers their emotions and how to avoid their emotional pitfalls. Learn together what resets their mind and body. Work out together that helps them empty their bucket when they are overwhelmed. Make a poster or list and hang it in sight so that they can quickly make the connection with how to calm themselves before they feel completely overwhelmed.