Uncovering the Best Way to Live with Highly Sensitive Traits

I launched the Happy Sensitive Kids blog back in 2014. My eldest was 7. I have 3 sons and my youngest was 3 then. I started the blog because I felt alone. And I realised my parenting goal is to uncover the best way to live with highly sensitive traits. Mine. And my children’s.

Not Like Other Babies

Other babies slept. Mine didn’t.

Other babies could be left with their grandparents. Mine couldn’t.

Other toddlers went to playgroups and tottered off to explore and play alongside other children. Mine didn’t.

My first child cried as a baby. A lot. In fact, he didn’t just cry, he screamed. All evening long.

As new parents we’d spend hours a day holding our son trying to comfort him, to stop his distress. We tried everything. But unless we held him, he barely slept.

Three years later, when our second son was born, we had a few years experience under our belt. It would be easier right? No, it really wasn’t. Our son followed in the footsteps of his older brother, only he cried for even more hours a day. He cried in the evening AND the afternoon. He point blank refused to sleep on his back in his cot or pram. I carried him around all day in a baby carrier; it was the only way of soothing him.

18 months later, not put off, we had our third child. Not be outdone by his older brothers, our new arrival didn’t just cry in the evenings and the afternoons, but ALL DAY LONG. AND ALL NIGHT LONG. It was so bad I ended up back in hospital with exhaustion a few days after his birth.

Primary School

Whilst all this was going on, my eldest had turned four and had started at primary school. A few hours a day to start with.

It turned out to be harrowing for him. And in turn for me too. He hated school.

Every day he came home for lunch and every day I battled to get him back for the afternoon. He cried, he screamed, he kicked. It was the start of a two year stride to be heard and understood by his teachers. It was a stride we lost and we eventually opted for a change of schools.

By now we had known for some years that our eldest was a highly sensitive child, and suspected that his brothers were too. I had also come to realise that I am highly sensitive.

Those years were incredibly hard. Incredibly lonely. Despite having outside support on our side, my eldest starting school was a scarring experience. Thankfully his new school was fabulous – he was understood and supported.

Why I Launched Happy Sensitive Kids

So, as I said, my eldest was seven when I decided to launch this blog. It felt at the time that I had lots to offer other parents of highly sensitive children. We had been through a lot by then and I knew that others were going through similar issues. I wanted to share my experiences, but more importantly provide a space for others to seek support, offer advice and share their experiences to ensure that none of you feel like you are alone, or the only ones going through issues as you raise little highly sensitive people.

My eldest is now fast approaching 16. Life as parents of HSCs has become easier over the years. My sons have learned to gradually understand the whys, whats and hows of being highly sensitive. And they have learned to work their way through situations that test them and their highly sensitive traits. They have tools now to help them. That’s not to say there aren’t bumps on the road, there are. But we are in a better position to deal with these bumps.

Our Goal: Help Children Not Just Live with Highly Sensitive Traits, But Thrive with Them

So what I want to share with you, those of you who are struggling with your role parenting your HSC(s), is this – it gets easier. You will find a path that suits your journey as a family and you will walk it, well-prepared for the obstacles that will inevitably come onto that path.

Understanding highly sensitive traits and the impact they have on daily life is key. Acceptance is vital. And you will take gradual steps and uncover the best way to live with highly sensitive traits, how to use them, and strive to get the most out of the positive traits as your child becomes a teenager. And ultimately an adult.

That’s the goal. Not to just live with highly sensitive traits, but thrive with them. To go armed with tools into adulthood so that our children become adults that are comfortable in their own skins.

Don’t take your eyes off this goal. Keep providing your child with the tools to achieve this goal – that’s our role as parents of HSCs.

The Future of Happy Sensitive Kids

I didn’t start this post with the intention of writing about the future of this blog, but I find myself doing it anyway. Regular readers will have noticed that there are fewer new posts on the blog these days than there used to be. Newsletter subscribers may have noticed a lack of monthly mails. There are a number of reasons for this.

Above I wrote, “It felt at the time that I had lots to offer other parents of highly sensitive children,” but also mentioned that parenting, in terms of the highly sensitive aspect of my children’s lives, has become easier over the years. So, I am in a different parenting place than I was eight years ago. We are not dealing with the same issues as we were back when I started Happy Sensitive Kids.

On top of this I, and two of my children, are struggling with Long Covid and have been since March 2020. You can read our story here, if you are interested. It’s up and down, so there are periods when writing just doesn’t happen because of fatigue, brain fog and the limitations those symptoms bring. I have to prioritise my workload, and I can’t do it all at the moment. It has been a maze trying to get the help we need for our sons who, at points, have struggled to cope with regular school hours, let alone anything outside of school. The mental and physical load has been immense but (fingers crossed) I think we are finally coming out the other side.

I am also putting the second Happy Sensitive Kids book together – it’s a long slow process because of the above, but that is a top priority at the moment. The cover below is a work in progress…

I am also undertaking a HSP Coach course (in Dutch for my sins!). And that will naturally forge a new direction for Happy Sensitive Kids. I’m excited about the future of Happy Sensitive Kids, but also realistic about the tempo!