Parenting a Highly Sensitive Teenager

Parenting a teenager is a whole new ball game. As so it is too parenting a highly sensitive teenager. The rules change. The journey from childhood to adulthood slowly begins. What do you need to look out for parenting a highly sensitive teenager?

First Teenager of the Family

My eldest just turned thirteen. He is now officially a teenager. And it marks the start of a new turn in the road, not just for him, but for us as his parents too.

So I don’t have the answers to the question above. Not yet.

I do know that every ‘child’ faces challenges during their teenage years.

Cast your mind back and think about your own transition from childhood to adulthood. You probably have some great memories, but difficult ones too. I am guessing that some of your teenage actions make you shudder now you’re all grown up and parenting yourself.

Were you also a highly sensitive teenager? What impact did that have on your teen years?

My son’s recent birthday has led me to think hard about my own years as a teenager. But those years seem so long ago. It’s a challenge to remember the struggles I faced.

A party with lots of unknown people was the first unpleasant memory to surface. I hated it. I couldn’t wait to get home again. To add to my misery I had just had a pre-holiday vaccination and my arm hurt like hell. It was a miserable evening, and I wasn’t there by choice.

My son’s birthday triggers the realisation that I need to adapt to parent a highly sensitive teenager in the coming years. And I have to let my own teenage years guide me.

The Teenage Years

Notoriously the teenage years are a struggle in so many ways. They are about kids finding their own path. Freedom. Setting stones along the way to build their future on.

What career direction do they want to take? What hopes and aspirations do they have for adult life? There is exam stress to cope with. Choosing a further education route, if applicable.

But there are also the physical changes a teenager deals with.

And emotional changes. One minute a teenager has his child head on and the next his adult head on. It’s a confusing time. I worry about anxiety. I worry about mental health.

A highly sensitive teenager’s rich inner life can become a serious problem if they haven’t learnt to challenge negative self-talk.

Then, there is the social aspect of being a teenager. Relationships are hard at the best of times, but as a highly sensitive teenager? Wow. How does a highly sensitive teenager deal with the pressure to be more social, more with peers and friends? Whatever the age, a highly sensitive person needs balance when it comes to their social life and activities.

And, not least, we have the sexual development of teenagers.

Feeling Different

Teenagers are self-conscious. They care immensely about what others think of them. A highly sensitive person takes every comment to heart; and a highly sensitive teenager even more so.

What happens when a highly sensitive teenager notices just how different they are or feel compared to their friends or peers?

The years ahead will be difficult. That much I do know.

What I Already Know About Parenting My Highly Sensitive Teenager

There are some things I know will help him, and any highly sensitive teenager, as he maneuvers through his teenage years.

Sleep

Teenagers need sleep. And more than they think. And more than they get if you leave it up to them. The end.

Understanding Highly Sensitive

Throughout the years leading up to the teenage years it’s important to instill an understanding in our children of what it means to be highly sensitive. In what ways does being highly sensitive impact them? They need this understanding for their teenage years.

Conscientious Trait

I don’t anticipate having to deal with dramatic behaviour issues. I don’t foresee phone calls from school about unacceptable actions. Highly sensitive kids are generally conscientious. Real problem behaviour and highly sensitive teenagers are not generally two things that go together. The challenges won’t be behaviour related.

Bucket Time

Teenagers are notorious for hiding themselves away in their rooms. My son recently told me that his friend said his teenage brother essentially locks himself away in his room and rarely comes out to spend time with his family. I said that’s what teenagers have the tendency to do. He said this idea made him sad. He didn’t want to be like this.

The reality is that he is already taking himself more and more away to his room. For short periods granted, but he knows when he wants to be alone.

And that’s not a bad thing for a highly sensitive person.

Putting Support in Place

It’s important that a teenager knows they can come to you with any problem, question or potential issue they may have. That foundation is laid early.

One thing I have always done is seek out the support that my kids need. Sometimes this means a professional, sometimes someone at school, sometimes it’s just me armed with a resource I have found (like this gem). Sometimes it’s just me.

But the long and short of it is that we cannot do this alone. Our kids cannot do this alone. We all need support.

Your Tips About Parenting a Highly Sensitive Teenager

I would love to hear from those of you who are further along this journey. What tips can you give those of us starting out parenting our highly sensitive teenagers?

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