Boundaries and Highly Sensitive People

Highly sensitive people need to protect their boundaries. In fact, we all need to protect our boundaries. But when you are highly sensitive boundaries are even more important in order to prevent overwhelm or much worse. As highly sensitive people we are prone to say yes to others, even if we want to say no. And our boundaries are quickly violated.

Why Are Boundaries Important for Highly Sensitive People?

Our personal boundaries guide our decision making. The boundaries we guard are a clear way of communicating our mental, physical and emotional needs.

By setting personal boundaries we are declaring to those around us that our needs are important. With our boundaries we let others know what we are and what we are not prepared to do or accept.

In other words, we set our own boundaries as a means of self-preservation. We set boundaries to remain true to ourselves.

We set boundaries to remind ourselves of what we are comfortable with.

Boundaries help us align the different aspects of our life; relationships, work, family life, physical and emotional health.

Setting your own boundaries is not just healthy, it’s essential for your well-being.

What Happens When You Allow Others to Step Over Your Boundaries?

You feel drained.

You tell others that their needs go above your own.

Stress.

You act against your core values.

You demonstrate a lack of self-respect.

Discomfort.

You take on responsibility for someone else’s feelings.

Self-doubt.

You feel misaligned.

Ignoring Your Boundaries is a Recipe for Health Problems

When you act in a way that is in direct conflict with your belief system or goes against your values it creates an ill feeling. Stepping over your boundaries creates unhappiness.

If you consistently infringe your boundaries you will feel stress, which in turn leads to health problems. Burnout. Or depression.

How to Identify and Maintain Your Own Boundaries

You set your boundaries with an awareness of how you feel. Stop and notice how situations make you feel. If you feel discomfort ask yourself why.

Dig deep.

Because there’s the making of each boundary you need to guard.

When Your Boundaries Are Ignored

Once you understand your own boundaries you can more easily communicate them to those around you. Make them evident and clear.

But know that there will always be people in your life who insist on testing your boundaries. Who will try to step over them.

Your employer may demand more of your time at the expense of your family.

A client may insist on calling you continually outside of business hours.

Or perhaps a friend who makes last-minute demands on you.

Be direct about your boundaries.

Or take charge by communicating your boundaries by means of your reactions and behavior.

It can be as simple as saying no. Give a reason, but don’t apologise for saying no.

Setting and honoring healthy boundaries won’t always come naturally.

Guarding boundaries is something we, as highly sensitive people, have to practice. Start with helping your children understand their needs. Help your teenagers learn about their boundaries.

Knowing ourselves well enough to understand our personal needs and limits is a learning process. And as it is with all learned skills, practice makes perfect.

With practice, you will master the art of saying no.

And you will successfully guard your own personal boundaries with a vengeance.

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A version of Be The Master of Your Own Boundaries was originally published on The Good Men Project.