Do You Ask for Help When You Should?
Parenting a highly sensitive child (HSC) can be exhilarating and exhausting. It can be a minefield and a maze. Your HSC can take your breath away one moment and steal every drop of patience you have the next. Parenting any child is a rollercoaster ride; parenting a HSC is full of highs and lows. What do you do during those lows? Do you ask for help? Many of us don’t. But we should.
This was a blog post that wrote itself in my head this morning as I stood in front of my son’s teachers with tears in my eyes after the most dramatic morning of this school year.
There comes a time when you don’t have the answers, but you know that someone else just might know where and how to find them. There comes a point when you need help. It’s as simple as that. But you have to ask for it. And that doesn’t always feel comfortable does it?
Parenting a Highly Sensitive Child Isn’t Easy
Your toddler HSC clings to you every second of the day and screams if you leave the room. He can’t be left with anyone else without a major heart wrenching drama.
Your HSC is too scared to sleep the whole night through in their own bed. Even at the age of eight.
Leaving your HSC at nursery school was yet another tear filled affair. For both of you.
Your HSC comes home from school every day with an overflowing bucket and melts down as soon as they step over the threshold and into the safety of your arms. It is heartbreaking to see your child struggle with the normal daily stuff.
You battle with teachers because they don’t see anything of the troubled child you describe in their classroom.
You turn down yet another social invitation because your HSC is simply not up to it.
Meal times are a nightmare with your picky eater.
Your HSC is a master at magnifying the negatives.
Anger seeps out of every pore of your HSC and you have no idea why. Doors are slammed. Toys are thrown. Your HSC has no idea why they feel such anger and frustration.
The pile of clothes on the bedroom floor grows every morning as your HSC struggles to find something to wear that feels comfortable. Something without seams. Something not scratchy.
Some mornings just the process of getting your child to school is distressing.
You are often at a loss about how to deal with our HSC’s big, intense emotions.
Your HSC seems to catch every virus going around school, and takes longer to shake it off. She’s also not an easy patient.
Your HSC is anxious about so many things and you don’t know how to help him.
Your HSC’s dentist appointments are draining. For you both.
Your cinema adventure ends is tears.
Your HSC lashes out without warning and you keep apologising on her behalf. But it’s hard.
There is so much negative self-talk.
No other parent in your social circle seems to go through the same things you do. Your in-laws just don’t get it. And it all makes you feel like you are failing at parenting. Big time.
You get the picture.
So what do you do?
Ask for help. Easy right? Just go ahead and ask someone for help.
Where to Ask For Help
15 to 20 percent of the population is highly sensitive. You are not alone. your child is not alone. But sometimes you need to search for the right place to ask for help. Sometimes the place to ask for help is obvious. Sometimes it’s an indirect process. Start somewhere. Before it gets on top of you and your family.
Here are a few ideas of where to start:
- Family: even if your family doesn’t get the idea of highly sensitive (and I recommend sharing this book with them if that’s the case) you can still ask for help so that you can take a breather, empty your own bucket, get things off your chest, find a listening ear, or ask for advice.
- Friends: the same goes for friends. Make sure you are surrounded by people who accept your child, even if they don’t quite understand.
- School: talk to your child’s teachers, class tutor, school counsellor or psychologist.
- Paediatrician/GP: can your doctor help with a referral for anxiety? Emotional support? Food issues? Your family doctor is a good place to start if you are not sure where to go for support.
- Children’s coaching: if you get to the stage where your HSC’s behaviour is impeding his or her ability to function in daily life then it’s worth considering professional help. Some coaches specifically mention highly sensitive children, so that’s a good starting point.
- Therapist/Counsellor: there are many types of therapy, such as behavioural or play therapy, and so therapy is an option worth exploring for emotional support and working towards specific goals.
- Online: find a support group online that you feel comfortable with. There’s a Happy Sensitive Kids Facebook community comprising parents just like you. But there are many other options too. Sharing what you are going through helps. Tips or advice from someone who has been in the same situation and come out the other side is a bonus.
You are definitely not alone.
