10 Common Reasons Why a Highly Sensitive Child Feels Overwhelmed

Your highly sensitive child may display anger, be upset or point blank refuse to cooperate. It could be that your highly sensitive child feels overwhelmed. Overwhelm looks different in different children, so it’s not always straight forward to identify. And it’s often even harder to pinpoint why your highly sensitive child feels overwhelmed. However, considering these ten common reasons for overwhelm may help you identify the issue.

1. Physical Environment

The physical environment is the most likely reason that your highly sensitive child feels overwhelmed. Too much external stimuli will quickly fill a child’s bucket and cause overstimulation, and in turn they will feel overwhelmed. Think along the lines of noise, bright light, lots of activity – or all of this and more.

Solution: Retreat to a quiet area for some bucket emptying time. Regular breaks for quiet time will help your child recharge and feel ready to go back into the original environment.

Tip: You can find more bucket emptying ideas in the Happy Sensitive Kids book.

2. When Something is New

If your child finds themselves somewhere they have never been before, or are with people they don’t know, they could feel overwhelmed. Going to a new place or meeting new people is stressful for highly sensitives, as they like to be able to picture how something will be. A first meeting with a doctor, dentist, teacher, or even family they haven’t seen for a while are all events that can cause overstimulation. A new location puts extra pressure on a highly sensitive’s system as all the details are taken in and processed.

Solution: whilst the stress can probably never be 100% taken away, you can make it easier for a child by showing pictures of the location or person, or giving as much information as possible about the new place or person. In this case, Google is your best friend.

3. Personal Space

When someone comes into their personal space a highly sensitive often feels uncomfortable. Think of a queue at an amusement park. A sport practice or gym lesson where everyone runs around each other. Playing on the school playground or the park. A busy shopping street. It feels even worse for a child if they are being knocked in a crowd of people, even if it is unintentional.

Solution: try to avoid peak hours wherever you are going. If this is not possible, try to prepare your child for the fact that it may be busy and ensure their bucket is as empty as possible before heading out.

4. Danger

If a HSC can envision or foresee danger in the situation they are in, overwhelm won’t be far away.

A young HSC in a playground is a good example. Often a HSC will hang back before playing on the slide or roundabout. They can see the danger that lies in a slide (a child can fall off). So they want to check it is safe by watching for a while. If there are too many sources of danger around them a HSC can easily be overwhelmed and close down.

Solution: let your child observe for as long as they need to. They need to see with their own eyes that it is safe. Your child may need to experience the same situation a number of times before they join in or try something. Have patience.

5. Unknown Situation

When a HSC has no idea what to expect in the situation facing them, overwhelm can set in. It could be a doctor’s appointment, a school open day or simply a day out with the family. If they cannot picture what their day will look like, or how something will go they may display signs of overwhelm.

Solution: As a parent try to find the balance between giving your child too much time to stress over an upcoming situation and springing something on them that they are not yet prepared for. Try and provide as much information as possible about the appointment, or the upcoming event.

6. Physical Discomfort

If a HSC is tired or hungry, or their clothes are uncomfortable, they may be out of sorts or unable to cope with the situation they are in. This is an issue that is more easily fixed than some of the other reasons for overwhelm.

Solution: keep a snack bag and a bottle of water at hand (or have a HSK survival kit at the ready), cut labels out of clothes and make sure clothes are soft. Attempt trips out when your child is well rested and their bucket is empty. Plan ahead.

Tip: Use the Happy Sensitive Kids bucket activity to plan for busy days and build in enough bucket time afterwards.

7. In the Spotlight

A HSC is easily overwhelmed if they are being asked to perform. This may be a school test, a medical test or simply a teacher putting them on the spot in the classroom to answer a question in front of the rest of the class. Many highly sensitive children don’t like performing in front of others. The pressure overwhelms them.

I recall when my eldest was asked to do an IQ test as one of the many evaluation tools a specialist used to assess him. She was a stranger at the time and she sat alone in a room with him to carry out the test. She relayed that he was obviously overwhelmed and stressed by the activity. Eleven years later tests are still an issue. There are consequences to tests. And a highly sensitive is well aware of that.

Solution: lots and lots pf preparation time. Try talking to your child’s teacher about the stress and overwhelm your child feels in such a situation. Work on forming a growth mindset with your child.

8. No Bucket Time

Asking a HSC to partake in activities without a break or quiet time for too long will almost certainly result in overwhelm. This is the number one reason why a normal school day is too much for many highly sensitive children.

Solution: schedule quiet time into days out, a school day, a birthday party. Quiet time is not a luxury for a highly sensitive child – it is as essential as food and drink if you want to avoid overwhelm.

Tip: read 5 Ways for a Highly Sensitive Child to Get Quiet Time in School.

9. Deep Thinking

Thinking deeply about an issue or situation can lead to overwhelm. A HS characteristic is a rich inner world and deep thinking. A HSC is therefore capable of imagining all possible doom consequences of situations that have not actually happened, nor are likely to. If it can go wrong, an HSC will have thought about how it could go wrong. In such cases, a HSC (and HSPs) can overwhelm themselves with imaginary scenarios. In other words, their own thoughts are capable of causing overwhelm.

Solution: bring a child back to the here and now and the reality of a situation. Use calming techniques that work for your child so they can reset their thoughts.

10. Can I Do This?

If a HSC doesn’t think they are up to the task being asked of them, they will feel overwhelmed. Possibly even before they have tried. HSCs are ofter perfectionists and have a fear of failure. May would rather not start a task if they believe they cannot do it well.

This is linked closely to deep thinking and being in the spotlight – what if I fail? What will happen if I can’t do this? What will others think of me. And so before they even start a highly sensitive child feels overwhelmed by the task in hand.

Solution: turning a fixed mindset into a growth mindset is key for perfectionists and children with a deep-rooted fear of failure.

Tip: Try the Big Life Journal series of growth mindset tools.

*For your convenience, this post includes affiliate links to products and books I find useful for the HSK community. They cost you nothing more to buy, but I may get a small commission, which goes towards costs to keep the HSK site running.*