How to Implement Parental Controls to Protect Your HSC Online

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We have parental controls on our children’s devices; they are not popular with my kids, but they are important. As parents, we’re well aware of the risks of children having an online presence and unrestricted access to the online world. Internet safety for children is incredibly important, and it starts with us as parents. Risks including online predators, inappropriate content, and potential security breaches shouldn’t be taken lightly. What highly sensitive children (HSCs) see online can be (even more) overwhelming or frightening and have a deep impact. However, banning our children from the internet altogether can prevent them from accessing a lot of useful resources. For every bad site online, there’s a great one waiting in the wings, which could be useful for anything from school work, to crucial coping mechanisms and tools that help calm and relax a HSC, and even socialisation. 

How can you keep your kids safe, and still allow them to benefit from what the internet offers? Parental controls are the most obvious option, but parents who install these controls in secret, or without including their children, often face backlash and resentment. Older children who resist a parental control setting may also find secretive ways to get around those restrictions. And, none of this will help to create a trusting and happy home atmosphere.

Thankfully, there are ways to put parental controls in place and keep everyone on board.

Step 1: Talk things through

As a parent, you get the final say on what content your children are exposed to. But, if you impose restrictions without open conversation, your children will inevitably resent and misunderstand your intentions. Talking through your parental controls is, therefore, the best way to ensure everyone respects them. Simply start an honest conversation about online risks, and why you’ve chosen the controls that you have. Make it clear that your children should be honest about what they’re doing online, for their protection more than anything else. It may also pay to allow certain exceptions for websites your children ask you about in advance, and that you’re able to check over first. This can prevent secretive online behaviour, making the internet a safer place for your child. 

Step 2: Set clear boundaries

While it’s important to show that you’re willing to talk through certain websites with your children case-by-case, you also need to set clear online boundaries. Try to remain consistent in these from the minute your children start using the internet. Healthy boundaries might include things like not letting children online until a certain age, implementing time restrictions (remember that HSCs are more quickly and easily overwhelmed by external stimuli and screen time is a prime example), and complete bans on, say, social media sites that require personal details. My children hate that their time online is restricted more than any other restriction, but time online can be addictive, and the last thing you want is your child constantly online.

Clear guidelines, that are set for fair reasons will mean that your children are less likely to contest them, as opposed to changing the rules depending on your feelings each week. 

That’s not to say that you won’t learn as you go along. There may be a need to change the rules, as unexpected events of consequences arise. My youngest has struggled with some of the links or videos that his friends have sent him as they have been frightening. You know your child best, and helping your child filter out online content is a tough but necessary process. Educating your child not to click on every link they receive is a good starting point to online life!

Step 3: Consider your child’s age

Parental controls generally vary with age, with younger children tending to need more guidance/limitation than older ones. If you try to impose parental controls intended for younger kids on a teenager, you’re sure to encounter problems. Computer-savvy teens may even find ways around a limiting parental block, which isn’t as difficult as you might think. A simple search of ‘What is my IP?’ could see your teen changing their IP to go control-free without your knowledge. They’re then able to visit restricted sites that you’ll know nothing about.

Avoid this by setting different parental restrictions on each child’s account based on age. Keep this fair by sticking to the clear boundaries already outlined, such as increased freedoms when each child reaches a certain age, or social media allowances from 16+, etc. That way, you’ll at least continue to be in control, and grasp a better idea of what even your teenagers are up to. 

We took controls off our eldest once he turned 16 and he had showed us that trust in him was more than justified. Each child is different, and using parental judgement is important. As is trusting them to navigate the online world without parental controls once they are old enough. Hopefully, with years of experience online, having been supported by you, your older teen will adapt sensible online practices and won’t hesitate to come to you if something seems off.

Step 4: Encourage certain ‘yes’ sites

As parents we spend so much of our time telling our kids about the sites they shouldn’t visit that we may fail to give any alternatives. This can backfire, as forbidden sites will then be all your child’s aware of. And we all know about the attraction of forbidden fruit…..By instead making your child knowledgeable on ‘yes’ sites, you can steer them towards a more positive online path. And, as already mentioned, there are plenty of positive options.

Educational websites can be fantastic for helping kids to develop their knowledge using fun games and resources. They can be great for reading skills and research. Meanwhile, there are some fantastic sites and blogs out there to help with mental health and relaxation, providing older children with advice and tips for their daily struggles. And don’t forget that a lot of social contact takes places through various apps or gaming sites – which ones are safe for your child? So focus the talk on the sites they can freely use. 

Letting your child online can be a minefield, but try to remember that the internet holds as many possibilities as it does risks. Right from the start, let your children experience this with parental controls in a way that even they can get behind.

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