Why Highly Sensitive Children Have Difficulty Making Decisions

Highly sensitive children have difficulty making decisions. Their capacity for deep thinking means they weigh up the pros and cons of every decision carefully.

Deep Thinkers

Highly sensitives are deep thinkers and deep processors. When it comes to making a decision a HSP will contemplate all the options open to them. And then think about all the possible outcomes of their choice.

They will also consider how their decision will impact other people. Many HSPs are all too aware that their decisions have an effect on those around them. And want to take that into consideration, often at their own expense. HSPs are people pleasers.

An example of an insignificant decision: I remember struggling as a teenager if my friend’s mum asked what I wanted to drink when I visited.

“I don’t mind, whatever you are making,” would be my response. Which would exasperate her. I didn’t want her to have to put the kettle on for only me, for example, as that would create more work for her. So instead, I refused to make a decision based on what I actually wanted to drink.

You can just imagine the process an important, significant decision would have to go through…..

This consideration of all the details, and all the options means that highly sensitive children have difficulty making decisions. Having to make a final decision can feel overwhelming.

Fear of Failure

The HSP fear of failure trait also plays a role in why highly sensitive children have difficulty making decisions. What if I make the wrong decision? goes through a child’s (and an adult’s!) head. Making no decision at all means there is no chance of making the wrong decision.

However, we all must make decisions in our lives, and that includes children.

How to Help a HSC with Decision Making

You can help your child by giving them plenty of time in which to make a decision. Elaine Aron sums it up with humour in The Highly Sensitive Child.

Furthermore, give forewarning of decisions that need to be made, so that a highly sensitive child has lots of time to weigh up the options.

Another tip is restrict the amount of choices on offer. Suggest two options only and then give your child the time to make a decision.

Ask your child what their instinctive decision is. Help your child make lists of the pros and cons of their options. They will start listening to their instinct and be less hesitant, if it turns out that their instinctive answer has lots of pros.

Try and come up with an exit strategy if the decision turns out less favourable. That way a child learns that a wrong decision is not the end of the world.