There’s Nothing Wrong With Wanting Alone Time

Alone time and highly sensitive people go together like fish and chips (or peanut butter and jelly, if that’s how you roll). But getting the acceptance that alone time for a highly sensitive person is a necessity can be challenging. Making others understand that you are not being antisocial is sometimes more troublesome than it should be. But it’s worth persevering.

Why Highly Sensitives Need Alone Time

I became a mother in 2007. A few years later I realised that I am a highly sensitive person. I already knew I am an introvert. And so I have no problem being alone. There is a huge difference between alone and lonely. Not only do I not have a problem with being alone, I love being alone at certain times. I crave alone time sometimes. In fact, there are times I need to be alone for the sake of my mental health. Being highly sensitive goes a long way to explaining why this is.

Highly sensitive people are overwhelmed more easily by external (and internal) stimuli than other people. If there is a lot going on around us we are soon overstimulated, grumpy, irritable or withdrawn. Our concentration and interst goes out the window (and this applies to our children too).

To process the stimuli overload, to recharge, reset, empty our buckets, we need space, time and usually peace and quiet. And that is usually best done alone.

In short, solitude is good for our soul and mind and body.

Alone Time is Not Anti-Social

Sometimes I want to go for a walk on my own. Or I want to lie on a bed and read my book, alone. The majority of the time I get interrupted, even with a prior announcement, because someone thinks I’m upset, or cross because I have retreated. Or I get asked if they can join me on my walk. Despite explaining I simply want to be alone to empty my bucket, there is often someone around who takes me wanting time alone personally. It’s frustrating.

I mean I’m not taking off to a deserted island à la Tom Hanks, I’m going for a twenty minute walk or reading a chapter of a book. How nice it would be if alone time was accepted as an essential, like drinking a glass of water or eating lunch is.

Social Interaction is Essential But…..

We are social beings and being cooped up alone for long periods of time (yes, I am talking to you Covid-19) is not good for anyone’s mental health. But allowing yourself to be alone when you need really is essential for your well-being. Balance is the answer when you are a highly sensitive. Even highly sensitive extroverts need down time.

Why Regular Alone Time is Good for a Highly Sensitive

Bucket Time

As I mentioned, many highly sensitives prefer to be alone to empty their bucket. Some don’t, but many do. Being alone allows you to recharge, process the stimuli you have been subjected to so that you are ready to face the world again.

Alone time may be in the form of listening or singing along to music you love whilst driving the long way round home from work. Just you and your favourite tunes, so when you get home your bucket is empty and you can be your best self as you cross the threshold to your family.

It could be taking a walk alone at lunchtime if you are having a hectic day at work.

Or it could be calling a friend or family to look after the kids for half an hour so you can get a break alone to recharge.

Time to Reflect

Instead of doing something whilst you are alone, it could also just be sitting. Meditating. Thinking. Reflecting. Putting a name to your emotions. Checking in with yourself. Ask yourself how you are feeling. How healthy is that?

Creative Flow

Many writers, for example, set an alarm for early in the morning to allow themselves alone time before everyone else gets up. Artists hide themselves away alone in their studios. It’s a way to get the creative juices flowing without distraction. But this is not just a good tip for writers, it’s great for anyone and everyone. Plan alone time to aid creativity and productivity. Getting lost in something you love doing is one of the best bucket emptiers there is.

Role Modelling

If your children see you taking time alone when you need it to empty your bucket, then they learn that stepping away when it all gets too much is a normal thing to do. Because children need time alone too – and not just your highly sensitive kids.

Over to You

Do you get enough alone time? What do you do to empty your bucket when you are alone? Or do you hate being alone? Let me know in the comments.