How to Make a Calm Down Kit to Help Your Highly Sensitive Child
Each of my sons had a calm down kit in their bedroom when they were younger, or a bucket box as we called it. Each calm down kit is full of items they can use when they need quiet time to reset, or recharge. A calm down kit is a simple tool they can instantly access when they need to empty their bucket. And bucket boxes are simple to set up.
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A Highly Sensitive Child’s Bucket Fills Quickly and Easily
My children came home from school full of stories of moments, activities they have undertaken, experiences they have had, and emotions they have juggled with.
They had concentrated hard on their school work.
At break time, they had played boisterously on the football field or playground.
They may have dealt with harsh words from another child.
It’s possible they fell and grazed a knee in school, or seen one of their friends stumble and hurt themselves.
They may have had a replacement teacher, an unknown face and unfamiliar teaching style before them for the day.
They may have celebrated a classmate’s birthday.
Or struggled with a maths question.
It may have been gym class that day.
Each school day is different, but each day takes a lot out of a highly sensitive child. Every experience, emotion and moment finds its way, unfiltered, into their imaginary bucket. The fact is that the bucket of a HSC fills quicker than that of other children.
And generally, they don’t empty those buckets until they get into the safety of home.
Recognising a Full Bucket
A child carrying a full bucket home from school may be tearful, angry, obstinate, unreasonable, silent or hyperactive. You can read more about recognising when your HSC’s bucket is full here. If you see that your child is struggling then it’s wise to guide them to take some time to focus on emptying their bucket.
Emptying a Child’s Bucket
There are many ways a child can empty their bucket. What works for one child may not work for another. Through trial and error you can work out what works for your family.
Creating a dedicated quiet corner* for a child to retreat to is a great idea.
Some children will retreat to their rooms and cherish alone time.
My youngest always took himself away upstairs and built with Kapla until his bucket was empty. He enjoyed alone time when his bucket was full.
My eldest, on the other hand, wasn’t so keen on being alone in his room. He would seek out time with me or his father, or a quiet activity with one of his brothers. Or he woud sit in a room where we were and read, or play with Pokemon cards, or draw. Or just sit.
My middle son sat somewhere in the middle. His quiet time often involved a chess board, or Lego, or a book. Sometimes he chose to be alone in his room, other days he needed ‘time in’ with one of us to help him empty his bucket.
Tip: There’s are 101 bucket emptying ideas in the Happy Sensitive Kids book 101 Ways to Help Your Highly Sensitive Child Empty Their Bucket.
Bucket Boxes
I got my children to the point of accepting that full buckets need to be emptied before they busy themselves with activities that add to the already overflowing buckets.
However, when a child is feeling overwhelmed it can be hard for them to think straight. Emotions take over. My children often struggled with what activity to do to empty their buckets. Suggestion I made were met with, “I don’t know where it is,” or “I can’t find it,” or “I don’t have that in my room”.
So I bought three plastic boxes, which they decorated with stickers, and sat with each of my sons filling those boxes with items they often played with or used to empty their buckets after a busy activity or a school day.
What Goes in a Bucket Box?
This is what went into those boxes:
- “How To” drawing books
- Ear defenders*
- Activity, colouring, word search and sudoku books
- Little brain teaser puzzles and games
- Drawing paper and pencils.
- MP3 player
- Music CDs
- Audio Story CDs
- Kid meditation CDs
- Stickers
- A note reminding them of a larger item or game that doesn’t fit in the bucket box. This penguin game is one example – I definitely recommend checking out the Smart Games series and note that Temple Connection* is currently an Amazon Prime Deal. The Think Fun logic games are also great bucket emptiers and ideal to do alone – this Gravity Maze game* is currently an Amazon Prime Deal.
- Stress balls
- Fidget toys (such as spinners and Tangle, which are big hits in our house)
- Silly putty
They also wrote bucket emptying ideas on a piece of paper which they hung in their rooms. These ideas range from jumping on their bikes and cycling their stress away to splashing their face with water.
Why Having A Calm Down Kit Helps
The bucket boxes sit in each of the boys’ rooms. When they are clearly overwhelmed I say “bucket box” and they head up to dig something out of their boxes to help them. They don’t need to search for an item, or think about what they want to do. They can easily grab something and get busy with bucket emptying.
Just remember to regularly revisit the contents of the bucket box to ensure it is stocked with items that help your child as interests change and as they get older.
Explore what works for your child!
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