How to Avoid the Pitfalls of Planning Birthday Parties for Highly Sensitive Children

Birthday parties and a highly sensitive child don’t necessarily go well together. For many reasons. But you can, with a lot of planning, overcome many of the usual pitfalls of birthday parties for a highly sensitive child.

Experience Teaches Us

One of the things I used to fret and stress about annually was my eldest son’s birthday. Or more accurately, how far to go with celebrations. A birthday party? Who to celebrate with?

It stems from a bad experience the day he turned two. Uninvited in-laws turned up to join the familiar faces who had been chosen to spend a few hours with my son.

My husband and I were furious, which my son also felt of course.

On top of that, he had no idea who these uninvited guests were. He found it overwhelming. He spent the time they were there playing in a corner on his own with his back to everyone. It isn’t a fond memory.

Keeping Birthday Celebrations Small

Since then we have skipped the big, group family celebrations and gone for more intimate gatherings.

Since he turned five he has, most years, had a party with his friends.

Whilst the family side of his birthday is sorted out I have struggled for a few years to find the balance for the children’s parties we plan.

There’s no skipping them. He wants to celebrate with this friends, But there are things we need to think about when we plan a party for him.

What Can Go Wrong With a Birthday Party for a Highly Sensitive Child

This year I really wanted to skip a kids’ party after he melted down last year during and directly after the party. We had it in an external location where we had no control over activity timings and the children got bored and went wild. It was just too much noise, too busy, too unplanned.

My son held his hands over his ears and asked us to make it all stop.

And it wasn’t just my son that had his fill…..his highly sensitive mama had a hard time with the afternoon too.

Learn from Previous Celebrations

However, in the end at my son’s insistence we went ahead with a party for him but decided this year to have it at home.

We could then plan and keep it under control.

We chose a secret agent theme and from the moment the children arrived until they left we had a filled schedule with things for them to do, including back up activities.

I learnt the hard way last year that children who are not entertained make their own fun. And that is when my HSC implodes with the noise, chaos and activity around him.

A Spy Party – Plan, Plan, Plan

I was careful to limit the numbers, and keep an eye on who he was inviting.

And I planned. I planned the party to within an inch of its life.

The children came in and were fingerprinted and their hand was scanned. They then received ID badges (which they had to draw a face on and think up their code name).

In short, the children had no time to start running around as soon as they came in the house like they did last year – they were instantly put to work.

Presents were opened and then they ate. As soon as the food was gone they started their secret agent training.  This meant playing lots of games, some quiet and some more active.

Once the secret agent ‘training’ was over they had to go on their first mission which meant going out into our garden, which was covered in police tape and an obstacle course. They had to duck and dive under, over and through.

Then they had to run around and find clues to gather the code to unlock a suitcase they would eventually find with the clues they solved.

This included solving a Morse code message and putting a puzzle together.  It gave my HSC quiet time as things got exciting.

They unlocked the case to find their party bags and some certificates.

We had ten minutes left before parents picked up their children – and that was filled with some playing (in the rain) in the garden whilst others coloured spy themes colouring pages or doing a secret agent word search.

The Aftermath

Once the guests left there was no melt down, no tears – just happy exhaustion. And my HSC was also fine…….. 🙂 I may just have had it in the bag – at the fourth attempt.

How to Plan Birthday Parties for a Highly Sensitive Child

So here are a few lessons I have learnt when planning birthday parties for my highly sensitive son:

• Keep it small scale. My son and his brothers included, there were ten children. It was big enough.
• Keep it familiar. In terms of location and people.
• Keep it planned. There is a lot less chaos when children are constantly entertained.
• Make sure there is a quiet space for your HSC to escape to if it all gets too much.
• Keep an eye (or an ear) out for noise levels. Build in a break in the noise level at some point. Switch off music whilst eating for example. Alternate noisy, active games with some quiet games. Straight after eating we did an observation game (essential secret agent trait of course) with the children so they had to remember what was on a tray they were shown. Whilst they were thinking and writing down items you could have heard a pin drop.
• My HSC doesn’t like to be put in the spotlight so we avoid party games that require individual or solo action whilst everyone watches.
• Similarly, having to ‘perform’ is not desired. Like dancing, or answering quiz questions, so we adapt games where necessary.
• Games where there are winners (and so ultimately also losers) are something we also avoid. Tears on your birthday are just not fun. He feels like a failure if he is quickly eliminated from a game and hence is embarrassed.
• Keep the length of the party manageable for your HSC. If you know two hours is all the excitement he or she can handle in one go then plan accordingly.
• Think about the guest list. Lots of extrovert or boisterous children may not make for a happy party for a HSC.

Over to You

What would you add to the tip list? Do you have birthday parties for your HSC? Or do you avoid them like the plague?