10 Things You Need to Know About Being Highly Sensitive 

So what is a highly sensitive trait? To a non-highly sensitive person a highly sensitive person can be a bit of an enigma. And why does understanding those highly sensitive traits even matter? A little information can create a lot of understanding. If you understand highly sensitive people, it creates acceptance. Here are ten things you should know about highly sensitive traits, which will open your eyes about what being highly sensitive is – and is not.

1. Being Highly Sensitive is not About Being Overly Emotional

In the mainstream media many images of highly sensitive people involve tears. But crying in itself is not a highly sensitive trait. So yes, a HSP can be moved to tears more easily by stimuli, something as simple as music or more dramatically, the suffering that someone is enduring. But it’s not about being a cry baby. It’s not what it’s all about at all.

Being highly sensitive means that the nervous system is more sensitive to external stimuli. Highly sensitives process deeply. A highly sensitive person (HSP) is therefore easily overwhelmed by high levels of input.

Think along the lines of busy rooms, loud noise, a hive of activity in their environment – this all becomes too much quickly. A non-highly sensitive person will filter much of the external stimuli out but a HSP’s brain will actually process all of that input thoroughly.

Picture it as a parcel sorting room: a non-highly sensitive person sorts parcel based on their destination country. A highly sensitive person sorts them not just based on the destination town, but down to the postcode too.

Put that in the context of a highly sensitive child (HSC) processing stimuli in a school classroom all day long and maybe the meltdowns after school are easier to understand.

2. Highly Sensitive is not a Disorder

There is nothing wrong with a HSP.

Being highly sensitive is a set of natural personality traits and not in itself a reason to knock down the door of a therapist or doctor. 15 to 20% of the population is highly sensitive. HSPs are in the minority, but it’s a significant minority.

3. A Highly Sensitive Person’s Senses Are Working Overtime

Stop and focus your senses: take in everything you see, hear and smell around you. I mean, really take it in.

That, and more, is what a HSP senses automatically without any effort. You can see that bright fluorescent lights are shining from the ceiling but a HSC hears the faint buzzing too, notices the dead flies inside the light cover and sees the shadows the light casts on the other side of the room.

It’s all about the details when it comes to the senses of a HSP. And processing all that sensory information and working out what to do with it is exhausting.

4. A Highly Sensitive Child is not Being Fussy

A highly sensitive child genuinely feels discomfort under bright lights, with sand on their hands, because of scratchy tags in their T-shirt, surrounded by lots of noise or when their sleeves are wet.

Their tears and meltdowns are the result of overload and feeling overwhelmed and not because they are trying to get their own way. Often, particularly when they are young,  they don’t know why their emotions suddenly overtake them.

Take their discomfort or complaints seriously and don’t dismiss their words as fussing. Whilst it is hard to imagine how something so small can feel so distressing when you are not highly sensitive yourself, adopting the mantra to truly believe what a HSC says will help you both.

5. A HSP is Not a Party Pooper

Drinks directly out of work? A midweek party? A HSP is more likely to turn down your social invitation at the end of a work or busy day. They’re not being rude or anti-social. The truth is that a HSP needs a lot of downtime. Processing all that external stimuli is exhausting. Quiet time is essential to recuperate, recharge and reset. A HSP’s system literally gets overloaded and they feel physically and mentally exhausted.

Think of it like a sponge that can physically take no more water. It needs to be wrung out before it can be used again.

In our home we refer to that as bucket time. Grant that quiet time and a HSP will likely be ready to face the world head on again.

6. A HSP takes Longer to Make a Decision

A highly sensitive person weighs up all the options and considers all the possible outcomes of their decision. What seems like a simple question to you can be a complicated balancing act for a HSP. If a HSP is asked to make a quick decision they will likely feel stressed. One choice is always at the cost of another. It’s a trait to bear in mind when you ask a HSP to make a spontaneous decision.

It’s better to narrow down options as far as possible before you pose the question. Make sure you don’t apply pressure for quick decisions. This applies in the workplace too – giving a HSP the time and room to mull over options will be to your advantage as the answer will be thorough and well-considered and may include potential pros and cons you hadn’t previously considered.

7. Highly Sensitives are all About the Details

As I said, HSPs are all about the details.

They see when items are moved around, when you are wearing a new top, changed your perfume, when you have had your hair cut. They notice when you are not your usual chirpy self, even when you are trying to hide it. Highly sensitive children feel the emotions in a room. HSC’s know when you are trying to hide courgette in the pasta sauce. Believe me, I know.

8. Criticism is Taken Personally by a HSP

Highly sensitive people are their own worst critics. Conscientiousness is a highly sensitive trait. So when a HSP hears their own worst thoughts repeated by someone else, it hits hard. Be aware of just how much highly sensitives, especially children, take your criticism to heart. Criticism is felt deeply so you need to be careful about how you deliver negative messages. This is again also relevant in the workplace.

It’s a highly sensitive trait that teachers should be aware of. In fact, if criticism or negative feedback is angled at a whole class, a HSC will take it personally, even when it is not applicable for them. So be careful with generalisations.

9. Being Highly Sensitive is not the Same as Being Shy or an Introvert

Although a HSC may well be shy and an introvert the three concepts are not interchangeable. Around 70% of HSPs is introvert but a significant minority is extrovert. Labelling a child as shy when they are actually highly sensitive won’t help anyone, the child least of all.

10. HSPs are Often Aware of your Feelings Before You Are

Very subtle emotions and signs are picked up by by HSPs. This means that HSPs often receive conflicting messages if someone is standing before them verbally denying the emotion they are clearly displaying. For example, uttering “I’m not angry with you,” whilst the body language tells a different story. This is something a HSP will easily pick up.

Honesty is usually the best policy when you are dealing with highly sensitive people – big or small……. Tell is like it is.

Over to You: Which Highly Sensitive Trait?

What highly sensitive trait do you most wish your non-highly sensitive friends and family understood?