Why Clarity is Important for a Highly Sensitive Parent
Clarity. Clarity provides us with a sense of acceptance. Which is something we sorely need as highly sensitive parents. The chances are high that we, as parents of highly sensitive children, parent differently. When we understand why we do that, and accept it, it stops us feeling guilty and takes away doubt. Clarity leads to understanding and acceptance.
A Chapter About Clarity – Better Than Before
As I was sat reading with a cup of tea in an empty, quiet house (a habit I’m enforcing to help me empty my bucket whilst my children are in school – so that I can help them with theirs when they come home) I came across this sentence:
And then this:
The chapter these two quotes come from is one about clarity.
Instead of saying, “I feel stressed,” Ruben suggests we should seek clarity and identify exactly what is bothering us. Only then can we find a solution to counteract our negative feeling.
Both of these quotes set off an alarm in my head.
Highly Sensitive Parents and Children Need Downtime – And Lots of It
I spend so many weekends at home with my family doing very little, instead of heading out to explore the world around us. Because that’s what my sons need after a busy week of school and football and archery.
For me it was a blurred notion up until I read Gretchen’s words. I felt stressed about not making the most of our weekends, not getting out to special events I read about, not spending lots of time with extended family and friends. There was a notion in my head that we could and should be doing more with our time. I felt guilty that we were wasting our time. I want us to have fun family adventures. But we’re a highly sensitive family and we need a lot of downtime at home too. Clarifying why I felt a blurred sense of stress helped me accept those ‘downtime’ weekends. The guilt dissipated.
We’re not wasting time. We’re meeting our needs as a family.
Understand Your Own Triggers as a Highly Sensitive Parent
The second quote also illuminated something in my mind when I read it. Walking my three children home from school I often felt irritated by them. I could feel my bucket filling as we walked home. I started feeling stressed out by them. But why? Because they’re all talking to me at the same time. All three boys trying to share their morning or afternoon in school with me. Many other people wouldn’t be bothered as much as I am by the chattering on three sides, but it bothered me. A lot. I can’t handle the stimuli hitting me from all sides, and not being able to follow any of the three excited conversations. Processing overload. Overwhelm. Stress.
Thinking along the lines of ‘I feel flustered when all three boys are talking at the same time’ rather than ‘walking home from school with my sons stresses me out’ helped me immensely! It completely turned the situation around. I can certainly do something about the first statement, but not about the second.
This is Why Clarity is Important for a Highly Sensitive Parent
Clarity. Identify why you feel the way you do. As a highly sensitive parent it is easy to feel overwhelmed. It helps no end when you’re a highly sensitive parent to create a clear picture instead of living with a blurred feeling. Clarity helps you pinpoint a possible solution.
Reading Tips
There are other great tips that have changed how I do things in ‘Better Than Before’ – like the Strategy of Scheduling and the Strategy of Monitoring!
I also highly recommend Rubin’s The Happiness Project. This book had a profound impact on me too. I now embrace the positive impact that certains scents have on my mood. It used to feel like a luxurious investment to buy things that ‘smell nice’, but I don’t see it that way anymore. It’s also the reason I started learning about essential oils. The Happiness Project also encouraged me to ‘Be Amanda’. And accept I don’t like horror films.
If you read the book, you’ll know what I mean!
